heartbroken

I'm not sure where to even begin. The last 9 days have been the longest 9 days of my life. All I could think about all week at work were my 2 little embryos implanting. Well today we found out that neither of them implanted. Just writing that brings more tears to my eyes. We are heartbroken.

My doctor himself called me just 40 minutes after we left the office this morning after having my blood drawn. He said that there was no reason for them not implanting because the embryos were excellent grade, it was just bad luck. He said to stop taking the progesterone injections and the estrace pills and I should get my period soon. Once I start my period I can call them to let them know so we can start the process for a frozen embryo transfer (FET). I'm actually going to call tomorrow to find out what the protocol is for a FET.

We shed lots of tears about it this morning, but we believe that this just wasn't in God's timing for us. Even when it's hard to understand, His plan is always greater than our own. We thought our plan was pretty great, so if God's is greater, then I have can't even imagine how amazing it'll be. We're trying our best to stay positive.

I have to say that this whole first IVF cycle has been so positive and great. I've had zero complaints throughout it all (Larry can attest to that too). The shots didn't bother me at all. I didn't really have any symptoms or reactions to the medicines. I didn't mind driving an hour and a half to doctor's appointments. The transfer and the egg retrieval were both painless. I've actually enjoyed all of it and wouldn't change any of it. It has even brought Larry and I closer together.

We ask that you would pray for peace for us and that our next IVF cycle would be successful so that we can become parents and give all the glory to God.

embryo transfer/ the best valentine's day ever

I really don't even know where to start today other than saying that yesterday was the best Valentine's day EVER.

The embryo transfer process was super quick. We got to the hospital and they had me put on a hospital gown and sit in bed and check me in. I swear I was about to pee on myself because they told me to arrive with a full bladder. I arrived with an over full, almost exploding bladder. They said they would empty it AFTER the transfer. Oh goodness, I was just praying I didn't pee on my doctor during the transfer because I had to pee so bad! Luckily the embryologist came in not long after and gave us the great news and the picture you see above- our 2 perfect little embryos!! She said that they were excellent grade and that she will call the next day to let us know how many we will have to freeze (probably 2 or 3). She gave me some Valium to relax me and my uterus and said that it would only be about 10 more minutes until they bring us to the back for the transfer! At that point, Larry got himself geared up and of course we had to take some pictures!

(our first picture as a family of four!)

They came in and brought us to the room where the transfer was and it all went by so quickly and smoothly. I swear we were probably in there for 5 minutes tops. Larry said that it was the most amazing experience getting to watch everything. He saw Dr. Storment insert the catheter and then the syringe with our embies and put them through. I watched the ultrasound screen and you could see 2 teeny tiny little dots move on it once our embryos were home inside me. And that was it!  Dr. Storment even said that he would quit his job if I don't get pregnant because everything went so smoothly and perfectly!! How amazing is it that we get to know the exact moment that God blesses us with a child (or 2)? Then, they brought me back into our hospital room and I had to lay flat for 15 minutes before we could go. 

After leaving the hospital, Larry and I went to this sweets place called Indulge. I'm on bed rest for 2 days so I couldn't get out, but I told him to surprise me with something. He came back with a Mardi Gras cupcake and 2 chocolate covered cookie dough balls. Good choices for sure! Since we were in the area, Larry wanted to show me the farm house he grew up in since his family is about to sell it. So we drove out there and he reminisced a bit before we headed home. 

We hung out a bit at home, then Larry went to the gym while I took a 2 hour nap. I think it's the Progesterone shots that I'm taking now making me so so tired all the time. When he came home from the gym he had some chocolates, red box movies, and 2 roses for me. He said it was to represent each of our little embryos! I guess he is sweet to me sometimes ;)

We finished off the day with Larry grilling some burgers for us and watching Maleficent together. Despite being on bed rest, it was the perfect Valentine's day. I still can't believe that as of right now, I am a twin mama. God's hands have definitely been in all of this and with us through it all. We are so entirely blessed. Praying for a positive pregnancy test on the 23rd!

tomorrow

I can't believe tomorrow is the day we transfer our embryos! I would normally say that I won't be able to sleep tonight, but all these meds have me so tired lately. I think my body has been quite confused. But tomorrow it won't have to be confused any longer, because tomorrow I will be what they call pregnant until proven otherwise (PUPO)! 

So about our embryos....

Tuesday we found out I had 14 mature eggs and 13 of them fertilized with ICSI! I cried tears of joy that morning. 

Wednesday we still had 13 going strong. 

Thursday the embryologist called and said there 9 embryos and to report to the hospital at 9:15 on Saturday for my embryo transfer! She said they don't check on the embryos or call on day 4 (today), so as of right now we're not sure how many we have. I guess we'll find out in the morning!! 

egg retrieval

(crappy lighting thanks to the bright light behind my bed)

Yesterday was my egg retrieval! We started the day super early, heading to the hospital at 5:45 am. It takes an hour and a half to get there and we had to be there for 7:30. Once I got to my room I changed into my gown and they right away for me started with an IV. Unfortunately the nurse blew two of my veins on my left hand and couldn't get it in. Thankfully she used lidocaine each time or YOUCH that would've hurt. The nurse anesthetist had to come in and put the IV in on my right hand, and thank God she got it on the first try. 

After that it was really funny. The nurse walked over to Larry and started asking him for his name, date of birth, and what meds he takes. We were both slightly confused for a second, then the nurse asked him if he was ready to give his sample. Larry was like, "....my sample?!" I laughed and told the nurse he had to have surgery to get his sample. Then Larry understood what she was taking about then and said, "ohhhh yeah, my sample is frozen!" Too funny!

We waited in the room about an hour before they rolled me back into the operating room. Once I was there, they gave me anesthesia and put me into what they called a "twilight zone." It seemed like just 5 minutes later and I woke up back in my room. Larry, my mom, and my sister were there for support. The procedure itself only took about 30 minutes, and I woke up 10 minutes after that. I really wasn't in too much pain right after, but I did feel like I had to pee really bad. Larry and the nurse helped me to the bathroom, and nope, false alarm. I got back into the hospital bed and chowed down on some cheezi ts and teddy grams that the nurse brought me. I was starving since I had to fast! I don't like having to miss breakfast! The nurse told me I had to pee before I left. So, I downed my water and got up and tried it again. It took Larry turning on the sink for me to go! Haha. 

Then, mom went to get me a CC's king cake latte (decaf of course), and Larry went to get the car. I had to sit a certain way in the car and couldn't really move much because of the pain. We stopped at Ground Pati on the way home and got burgers to go. I told y'all I was starving! 

Once we got home, I ate, and then napped for the rest of the day with the heating pad on and off. I mainly just felt really uncomfortable. 

Then last night we started my progesterone shots. It's a longer needle than the stim shots, and it's given IM (intramuscular or in my hip/butt). My mother in law is a nurse, so we let her give me the shot since Larry was nervous about the longer needle and able hitting a nerve. The shot itself didn't hurt, but I could definitely feel the medicine going in since it's a thick oil. 

Oh and I forgot to mention the best news- they retrieved 15 eggs!

stims: days 5-8

(yepp, I bought princess band-aids just for this!)

These last few days have gone by so quickly! 

I've had monitoring appointments (blood work, ultrasound, and met with the nurse) the last 3 days. It's so cool to see my little follicles growing more each day! Dr. Storment said that everything looks great and he thanked me for making his job easy. Today we finalized the plan for my egg retrieval on Monday, one day early! I was really hoping it would be early too. Anything to get me closer to that positive pregnancy test! 

Tonight I only have 1 shot to take- my HCG trigger shot. What the trigger shot does is assists my follicles in maturing and releasing my mature eggs from the follicles. Larry has to give me the shot at 9:30 on the dot. 

I've been so at ease and relaxed throughout this whole process. I just feel so blessed that we are able to do this. I know all of it will be so worth it. God is so so good. 

stims: days 2-4

Saturday after my first shots, I woke up with a pounding headache. It was bad. Really bad. I was sitting in my sister's chair as she was highlighting my hair and I just felt like a zombie. Unfortunately, I was still feeling bad on Friday from having the flu and I had taken the maximum amount of Tylenol I could take in 24 hours, so I couldn't take any until 11 am Saturday. The Tylenol helped for a few hours thank God! I was able to go hang out with friends' housewarming party without feeling miserable.  We had to leave the party early to go do my shots. Not long after, the headache was back. I bought some Tylenol PM and look a long bath and went to bed!

Sunday morning I woke up praising God for no headache! It stayed gone all day. 

This morning I had an appointment for an ultrasound and bloodwork and they said everything looks just like it should and very "uniform." They lowered my dose of Follistim from 150 IU to 75 IU and added on Ganirelix. So now I'm up to 3 shots a day! Luckily they don't hurt at all, and my husband has been a great nurse. :)

I can't believe tomorrow will already be day 5 of stims! It's going by so quickly!